Child Inclusive Mediation
“Every child has the right to express their views, feelings, and wishes in all matters affecting them, and to have their views considered and taken seriously. This right applies at all times, for example, during immigration proceedings, housing decisions, or the child’s day-to-day home life.”
The above excerpt is taken from UNICEF’s summary of Article 12 of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, which came into force in the United Kingdom in 1992.
Child Inclusive Mediation is a service carried out by specially trained mediators. It involves the mediator meeting with your child or children independently to talk about the changes in their family. This intervention enables them to voice any concerns they may have, and identify things that are important to them. It helps parents develop child-focused arrangements that address the specific needs of their children.
How Child Inclusive Mediation works
You will have your assessment meetings and at least one joint session with us before we invite your child to meet us. This is because it is important for us to talk things through and for you to show commitment to the process before we ask for your child to contribute.
You both have to give permission before we can contact your child. Your child also has to agree to meet us. Mediation is voluntary for your child too, so they must not be made to come.
When we meet your child, they will talk with us independently. If they come together with siblings we usually see them individually first and then sometimes together afterwards. Where children under the age of 10 are involved we will need to think together about whether they are ready for this sort of meeting. Where they have older siblings they will often come in with them. These arrangements will be discussed with your children and will be flexible to their needs.
It is important to understand that child inclusive sessions are not about asking specific questions, like “who do you want to live with?” The sessions are crafted to give your child space to talk about their experience of your separation, and what’s going on for them, in a safe and supported environment. Towards the end of the conversation, they decide what information they want us to share with you to help you with your decision making.
Shortly after the child inclusive session we will meet for your next joint mediation session at which your mediator will give any feedback from your children. You will then continue your discussions about their arrangements in light of this information.
If your child needs more support
It is important to note that Child Inclusive Mediation is not counselling. While we will encourage your children to talk openly about their current situation, including their thoughts and feelings, we are keenly aware of this boundary.
If your child needs more support, counselling may be helpful for them. This can be accessed through private services, but is also often available to children through school’s Early Help schemes, upon request. Additionally, services can be accessed through the NHS by GP referral. Some services also accept referrals from parents. You will find contact information for organisations that provide emotional support for adults and children on our resources page.
Why Child Inclusive Mediation helps
Children have a strong desire to please both their parents. So, when parents are separating or divorcing, children may hide their feelings to avoid hurting one or both parents, or making the situation worse. This can create feelings of stress and anxiety in them. The ability to express feelings can relieve this. Child Inclusive Mediation helps children voice their views independently to someone who is committed to ensuring that their perspective is brought into parents’ discussions about arrangements for them.
Parents are often in such a chaotic and emotional state themselves that they can find it difficult and painful to truly focus on how their children are coping and what they need. Child Inclusive Mediation gives parents the opportunity to make decisions in light of information about how their children are thinking and feeling.
Although children involved in mediation generally don’t want to make decisions about their care, they do want to be given the opportunity to talk about their experiences and have their voices heard. “A number of studies… have identified that children and young people feel insufficiently consulted by parents and by practitioners about the contact arrangements that directly involve them.” Making Contact: Liz Trinder, Mary Beek & Jo Connolly, 2002.