January typically sees an increase in the numbers of couples choosing to go their separate ways as the various pressures of the festive period act as a catalyst to relationship breakdown.

Family mediation helps former partners to work out arrangements for their children and finances together, with the guidance of a professional mediator, whilst avoiding the stress, delay and costs of the court process.  However, despite the introduction of a legal requirement to consider mediation prior to making a court application in 2014, the benefits and uses of family mediation are still often misunderstood.

Family Mediation Week, organised by the Family Mediation Council (FMC), is an annual event dedicated to raising awareness about the benefits of family mediation. Therefore, the events offered during Family Mediation Week provide a helpful platform for families facing separation or divorce to explore the advantages of mediation as a constructive and collaborative approach to resolving their disputes.

During the week, the FMC and participating mediators are hosting events about mediation, currently including:

• The benefits of attending a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM)
• Is it possible to mediate with a Narcissist?
• What is child inclusive mediation?
• The flexibility and power of mediation

You can sign up for sessions, which are free to attend via the online timetable of events.

It was announced that the proposals for new legislation of the Separation Act 2020 will be introduced from the 6th of April 2022 to allow changes to no fault divorce procedures. This legislation will stop forcing spouses to evidence ‘unreasonable behaviour' and allows couples to file that their marriage has 'broken down irretrievably'.

This legislation was met with strong support by those of us who work in family justice, including us at Able Mediation. This is because, it is widely understood that this requirement to assign blame often exacerbates conflict between the divorcing couples at a time when tensions are already high. We sadly see this in mediation, where it sometimes leads to the breakdown of what were constructive negotiations.

This can be particularly damaging when there are children involved. A large body of research shows that the effect of long-term parental conflict on children is damaging to children’s well-being, as well as being an indicator for negative outcomes for those children later in life.

What makes a Marriage 'Broken Down Irretrievably'

The Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act (2020) completely removes the need for couples to blame one another for the breakdown in their marriage. The Act allows for a spouse, or a couple jointly, to apply for divorce by stating that their marriage has 'broken down irretrievably'. This means that one or both of the couple believe that the marriage has diverged enough that it cannot be salvaged.

The new changes via the Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act (2020) include:

• Removing the need to list facts to prove the ground for divorce, thereby reducing unnecessary conflict
• Applications can be sole or joint
• Communication from the court can be by email
• Minimum wait of 20 weeks between application and conditional order of divorce
• Limited opportunity to contest the divorce, if made on sole application
• Part of wider action to improve the family justice system

Changes remove unnecessary conflict to ease stress on couples and children

New minimum wait of 20 weeks between application and conditional order of divorce

Because there is no longer the requirement to identify the reasons for wanting to divorce, or be separated for two years prior to application, the 20 week wait has been introduced to allow couples a period of reflection. This time gives the couple time in which to think further about their decision and to start discussions about their arrangements for both children and finances. Mediators can help with these discussions, where needed.

Part of wider action to improve the family justice system

After the Family Justice Review in 2011, the Government agreed with the majority of its findings and committed to long term improvements. These have included the introduction of the single Family Court, the Children and Families Act 2014 and the new legislation for no-fault divorce in 2022. However, professionals in all sectors of family law agree that there is still a long way to go.

Aidan Jones, Chief Executive at Relate, said: 'This is far from the end of the journey, though. As a society we must encourage healthy relationships, reduce parental conflict (whether parents are together or not) and in turn improve children’s wellbeing and life chances. Relationship support services are vital to this.'

Where will it go next? We wonder if the reforms could go further for parents, perhaps to include something along the lines of changes implemented in Denmark on 01 April 2019, which require parents to complete an online parenting course named before they can apply for a divorce.

The testing phase of the “Cooperation after Divorce” modules in Denmark, which was based on information from 2500 volunteers over 3 years, showed “staggering” results. In 12 of 14 cases the programme was shown to have a moderate to strong effect on mental and physical health!

For more information about the proposed UK divorce reforms, click here.

For more information about the divorce reforms in Denmark, click here.

Additional Changes not advertised by Gov.uk

The proposed changes include:

• making ‘irretrievable breakdown’ the only ground for divorce
• introducing the requirement to provide a statement of irretrievable breakdown, instead of the requirement to provide evidence of a ‘fact’
• continuing with a two-stage legal process, referred to as decree nisi and decree absolute, and now referred to as conditional and final order
• allowing joint as well as sole applications for divorce
• reducing the ability to refuse/contest a divorce, it is now only possible to dispute with regards to:

                                    a) jurisdiction,

                                    b) the validity of the marriage,

                                    c) that the marriage or civil partnership has already ended or,

                                    d) that there has been a fraud or procedural non-compliance.

• introducing a minimum timeframe of 6 months from application to final divorce, to allow couples time for reflection and the opportunity to turn back.

No Fault Divorce Mediation

The introduction of no-fault divorce proceedings has been a huge relief for many separating couples who wish to end their marriages, without having to apportion blame.

Issues surrounding divorce, dissolution and separation can be assisted by mediation. Mediators we can facilitate discussions relating to children and finances, and encourage communication between spouses to ensure a mutually beneficial outcome.

Able Mediation for No Fault Divorce

If you need guidance in your no fault divorce, our Mediation services can help guide you through the process and give you the space to work with your spouse in a positive way and create a beneficial outcome for all.

Click HERE for help with No Fault Divorce.

The Happy Co-Parent is a fantastic new website, launched in January 2021, by family lawyers and mediators at Burgess Mee Family Law. It is aimed at separated parents who are striving to improve their co-parenting relationship and/or resolve conflicts in relation to their children, for the benefit of their children.

The website is a great resource for co-parents, offering information about current law, resolving disputes, common issues and finances. There are also top tips for co-parenting, a learning zone and a question and answer section with family mediator and therapist, Sheila Turner. The learning zone suggests some helpful tips and strategies to assist co-parents to challenge their own thinking, consider their aspirations and make small changes to move forward more positively.

As well as all this, there is also a really interesting "Meet the Experts" section, where informal and engaging interviews are conducted with experts in many different, relevant fields. So far, these include topics like; how to tell the children, relocation, new partners, dealing with substance abuse, co-parent co-dependency, working together to resolve disagreements, and mediation.

For the mediation segment they asked Juliet, from Able Mediation, to do a two part interview. The first part, which covers what mediation is, the Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM), the scope of mediation, and some other stuff, is now available to watch here.

We are delighted to hear the government announcement today that it is investing £1 million in family mediation. This investment is to support families to resolve issues relating children outside of the court system. This can be in either in circumstances following parental separation, or when previous child arrangements need to change.

The scheme will provide up to £500 per family towards accredited family mediation service fees, and can also be claimed in cases where one client is eligible for Legal Aid. The scheme will be administered by the Family Mediation Council, with accredited mediators making applications on behalf of their clients.

Able Mediation are very pleased to confirm that we will be a registered provider of this type of financial assistance, which we hope will encourage more parents use mediation to resolve their disputes and, hopefully, start a journey towards better co-parenting.

For more information about the scheme and how you may be able to benefit from it, please don't hesitate to contact us.

For full written information about the scheme on the gov.uk website, click here.

Day 1 of Family Mediation Week 2018 and the theme is ‘Somebody, please help!’

There are lots of really interesting articles to read relating to this theme that discuss the value and benefits of mediation on the Family Mediation Week Blog.

My picks of the day are the video from Fegans: Counselling Children, Supporting Parents and Wells Family Mediation, which gives a realistic sense of the impact of parental conflict on children…

… and this article from Glynne Davis that rings true with my professional experiences.

The seven habits of successful mediation participants

Written by Glynne Davies, College of Mediators

The seven habits of successful mediation participants. The following mini case studies are genuine, although the names have obviously been changed to protect…well me really!

1. They are sure that the relationship is over permanently

Mediation is a process designed to help couples, as famously said by Gwyneth Paltrow, consciously uncouple. If you are harbouring secret thoughts that your ex is just going through a mid-life crisis, and as soon as he/she comes to his/her senses he/she will come running back to you, then mediation is not for you. You may be able to go through the motions, but at the moment when you have to make a decision, the primeval part of your brain will take over and shout “Don’t do this! As soon as you do this it will all be over.” If you are ambivalent about separation, then if possible take a bit more time to come to terms with what’s happening.

Case Study: Anthony and Cleopatra had 5 sessions of mediation, at the end of which we had several options, any of which were “approved” as fair by their respective solicitors. But Cleopatra couldn’t let go of the relationship and kept prevaricating. In the end we put mediation on ice for 6 months, at which point they returned and settled in one session.

2. They want to minimise solicitor costs and avoid court costs?

Well, duh. Everyone wants to minimise costs and avoid court…don’t they? Strangely enough the answer is no. Some people are so hurt/angry that they would sooner spend every penny that they have rather than share it with the ex that has broken their heart. Others that like to think that their situation is so difficult that only a judge can unravel it. Mediation is unlikely to help them, but for those who simply prefer to allow their solicitors to negotiate on their behalf, mediation can help save time and money.

Case Study: Heathcliff and Cathy used mediation to complete their financial disclosure and listen to initial proposals for settlement, They agreed several important issues and narrowed the gaps on others, but Cathy wanted her solicitor to conclude negotiations. They still saved hundreds of pounds by using mediation to complete their financial disclosure, agree their “Form E” information and listen to each other’s proposals.

3. They can put the needs of their children first

In the horror of separation it is easy to lose sight of the needs of the children. They become pawns in the worst game of chess ever. Research tells us that separation doesn’t hurt children, but conflict does. By resolving the conflict, you put the needs of your children first

Case Study: Porgy and Bess had sent their daughter to Hungary to be with grandparents because neither parent wanted the other parent to “have” her. They took the stance “If I can’t have her, neither can you.” As a result the child was away from home for 8 months. They sorted out a shared care arrangement in one session of mediation that meant that the child could return home

4. They are honest and open

It’s not uncommon for one party to deal with “the money side of things”, and for the other party to feel at a disadvantage. Mediation ensures that financial disclosure takes place fully and openly, and at a pace that promotes equal understanding and informed consent.

Case Study: Bonnie was nervous about using mediation because Clyde had always taken care of the finances. We took financial disclosure at Bonnie’s pace. Clyde was relieved that he had an opportunity to explain things in a non-confrontational way, and Bonnie appreciated having a greater understanding of their situation.

5. They are flexible/willing to listen

If you believe that there is only one solution, and that mediation would be a good way for the mediator to convince your ex of the rectitude of your position, then mediation is not for you

Case Study: Fred and Ginger each attended a separate MIAM. Ginger was happy to keep an open mind about options for settlement, but Fred was adamant that there was only one solution and that he wanted to go to court to get it. By attending the MIAM Fred and Ginger complied with the statutory requirement to consider mediation.

6. They want closure

Some people feed off conflict with their ex. They feel safe being angry; a conflicted relationship is better than no relationship. But for mediation to succeed, there has to be a degree of emotional neutrality. To put it simply, you need to be sick of the fight.

Case study: Elsa and Anna separated 3 years before they came to see me, referred by court. Theirs had been a story of constant bickering over trivia. They had settled the major things fairly easily, but continued to make spurious applications to court for minor changes to their ever more detailed contact order. In mediation we established that there was almost nothing in dispute, and talked about the fact that they had never got “closure”. I signposted them to couples counselling to talk about the end of the relationship, and how to “let it go”. They returned to mediation and agreed a parenting plan.

7. They have the stamina to stay with the process

Mediation is not for the faint-hearted, but if you can practise the above 6 habits in mediation, you will get there.

Case study: All the clients who have ever successfully concluded mediation