Family Mediation

Family Mediation helps couples who are getting separated or divorced to make decisions about the arrangements for their children and finances in a more supportive, constructive, and less expensive way than going to court.

How mediation works

The four key principles of mediation are that it is voluntary, confidential, mediators are impartial and families retain control over decision-making.

The process starts with an individual chat with a mediator. This meeting is called the Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM.) The purpose of this meeting is for you and the mediator to share information about your family, the decisions you need to make, the mediation process and other forms of dispute resolution, and to decide whether mediation is suitable. You can read more about MIAMs here.

It is mandatory to attend a MIAM before going to court, but it is not mandatory to mediate. However, where mediation is suitable, after the MIAM the process continues with joint mediation meetings. These usually involve you, your former partner and the mediator and are 90 minutes long. They can be held by video call or in-person at our Richmond or Ealing offices.

It is difficult to know how many mediation meetings you may need because this depends on the issues that need to be resolved and the complexity of your case. But as a rough guide we estimate that mediations about children only may take 2-3 sessions, about property and finance only are likely to take 3-4 sessions, and if you need to come to decisions about both children and finances it is normal to need 4-5 sessions.

You can see our full fees set out here.

What you can expect in mediation meetings

Our mediators are specialists, with in-depth knowledge and expertise working with families of all backgrounds and set-ups about decisions relating to children, property and finances, pets, communication, co-parenting, extended family involvement, and so on. They will work with you to:

  • Identify the issues and prioritise your discussions
  • ensure you each have a chance to speak and a chance to be heard
  • make sure you have all the necessary information to make decisions; where finances are involved this will include doing full financial disclosure
  • help you to manage difficult and/or heated conversations in more constructive way
  • keep your children at the heart of discussions (where relevant)
  • explain any the relevant law, process, research, strategies that may help you with your decision making
  • explore as many options as possible
  • test out proposals
  • look for common ground
  • find solutions together and record your outcomes

Different types of mediation meeting

While mediation meetings usually involve one mediator and two clients, there are a number of other models that can be used if needed. The different models of mediation that we provide include:

  • Shuttle mediation: If it is difficult for you to be in a room together, in suitable cases we can have you in separate rooms with the mediator “shuttling” information between you to enable a mediated discussion. We only provide this service online, and the meetings are a minimum of two hours because it takes longer.
  • Child inclusive mediation: In this model there is a session for your children with the mediator. This is to enable their voices to be heard and considered when you are making decisions about arrangements for them. You can read more about this here.
  • More than one mediator: If your case is particularly complex we may involve more than one mediator to capitalise on an additional area of expertise, or simply because two heads can be better than one. In addition, sometimes we work together with a colleague to support them in gaining experience and working towards Accreditation.
  • A mediator and another professional/s: Sometimes it is helpful to have support from other professions in mediation, for some or all sessions. The professional could be neutral, there to give information to you both about a specialist subject, for example a financial/pension specialist or an independent social worker. Or, they could be there to support you individually, for example your solicitors. In addition, sometimes, for mediation to be safe and balanced the help of a support person is needed. This may be the case if you have neurodiversity that means you need additional support, have been the victim of domestic abuse, have issues with your memory, are physically disabled, etc.

Success of mediation

The most recent figures from the Ministry of Justice Mediation Voucher Scheme show that 70% of mediation cases end in full or partial agreement.

However, in terms of successful outcomes, we believe that this figure is misleading because it doesn’t include the nuance of other positive outcomes that our clients report, even when they are not able to come to agreement in mediation. These include; being heard and taken seriously by a professional (sometimes for the first time), gaining clarity over the issues, improving communication with their former partner, improved understanding about the impact of the situation on their children and how they can better support them, receiving information to assist with understanding their situation, being sign-posted to other professionals for support and/or next steps, and so on.

After mediation

Once you have decided on the arrangements for your family, your mediator can record them in a document. There are a variety of different documents produced in mediation. What document/s you will need depends on the type of decisions (for example, whether they are about children or finances) and the purpose of the document; whether it is intended to help instruct a solicitor to draft a consent order, or to be used simply as a record between you. Our fees for writing documents are set out clearly with the rest of our fees.

If you haven’t been able to reach resolution on some or all of the issues, your mediator will be able to remind you about alternative processes to assist you. Or, if you wish to apply to court for help, your mediator can provide their signature on your court application to facilitate this. However, please bear in mind that the rules say that mediators can only do this within 4 months of the last mediation meeting. If you need the mediator's signature after this time a further MIAM will be needed to ensure that all information is up to date.

What are the benefits of family mediation?

  • Improved outcomes for children: Research clearly shows that cooperative parenting and low conflict improve outcomes for children. Family mediation supports parents in developing good relationships after separation.
  • Reduced stress and conflict: The court process is inflexible and adversarial by nature, usually increasing stress and conflict. A family mediator will be flexible to your needs, helping reduce stress and improving communication between you to reduce conflict. Family mediation also.
  • It’s almost always quicker than going to court: When you apply to court you are subject to the court timetable, where long delays are common. In a mediated process, you set the timescales.
  • You stay in control of the decisions: Court outcomes can be uncertain and sometimes feel arbitrary. On the other hand, a family mediator will help you find solutions that work for you and your family and explain how these can be made legally binding.
  • It’s cheaper than going to court: The Family Mediation Council survey from 2019 shows that the average hourly fee for privately funded work was £140 per person, and the average total cost for both participants to complete a mediation, including outcome documentation, was £1,641. This is in contrast to information from Money Helper which estimates the average cost of divorce through court at £10,000 - £15,000 per application for a simple matter, or £25,000 - £30,000 for contested hearings.
  • Mediation is confidential: The mediation process provides a safe, confidential space for you to address family issues and negotiate joint proposals. Meetings are held in a neutral venue.